If you are new to my blog you might note that I started it back in May of this year and never posted since. Every day I asked myself why? Why was I who wanted to create this blog not posting? There were a number of reasons. Firstly, I wasn’t sure what I wanted my blog to be about. Secondly, I am a perfectionist, so I have spent the last few months torturing myself on writing the perfect first blog. Telling myself it is important to make a first good impression. After all I want you to come back. Lastly, fear, fear of putting myself out there, having my thoughts, opinions, ideas, beliefs, all torn apart, ridiculed, laughed at possibly leaving me feeling worthless.
Well finally I have come to a place where putting myself out there is worth the risk. You will read in my next blog that I have been sick for the last couple of months and the strange thing is that being ill seems to have caused a change in my thinking and has now become the catalyst for me doing and trying a few new things.
With the launch of Instagram Stories I began to think maybe I could post a video or two on mental health and positive thinking, sure if it was awful it would be gone in 24hours (yes positive thinking at its best). So last week I posted my first one (you can find it and follow me here https://www.instagram.com/fallenbluehalo/)
Do you know what? It wasn’t that bad (the experience), I thought I can do this and more importantly I want to do this. I have something to say, something to share and if one person was interested, if it made a difference to one person is that not worth it? Besides I am not only doing this blog for others but for myself to figure out what I want to do next in my life. I also reminded myself as a trainer that I always believed even if only one student learned something then it was all worth it, the struggle, the hard work, the self doubt. This too would be worth it. I was now all fired up.
So now what? I think when you decide to do something it can be a very useful tool to look at others who are doing it, what way are they doing it, what do you like or dislike about their methods? How can you be different? To that end I read blogs, follow others on Twitter who are interested particularly in mental health and try to learn from them. It was in doing this that I discovered what I wanted to do, more importantly what the purpose of the blog and the video posts would be. It also encouraged me, believing if they can do it, if they can put themselves out there, embrace the good and bad of being in the public eye then so could I. In order to share my experiences and what I have learned from them, I would have to feel the fear and do it anyway.
I also realised through reflecting this week that I want to use my psychoanalytic training in a more creative way while enlightening others to its practice. I want to share how my training taught me the power and importance of language. As a student and client of psychoanalysis I discovered how it can empower me. Psychoanalysis highlighted the significance of choice, the fact that I/we always have a choice, sometimes those choices may have a positive or negative impact on our life. When we recognise that our choice is being in particular influenced by external sources, we become more empowered to make better choices for our life and well being. I have come to believe that the answers we search for are often found inside ourselves not externally as we are often led to believe. Psychoanalysis empowers you to find those answers, to become aware of your choices and the consequences of them, it doesn’t claim to have the answer to or promise you happiness ever after, it teaches you that you and you alone are responsible for your life and the happiness and all other emotions, thoughts within it. However, I have also come to believe that mental health is not enough to achieve well being alone, a holistic approach must be adopted to include physical and emotional (or spiritual depending on your belief system) well being too.
I don’t claim to know or have all the answers, I just simply want to pass on what psychoanalysis and maybe more importantly what insights my life has taught me so far, especially in making positive changes. Reflection, mindfulness, self awareness are great tools to create change. I want to share with you how I use them and what they achieved and continue to achieve for me.
It is a rough sketch I admit but as a very good friend advised me once, sometimes you just have to take that first step. In time it will evolve, develop and then become clear what your goal is. She told me you don’t need to have all the answers right now but if you don’t take that first step you will remain stuck and never know what your goal is meant to be. This is my first step or admittedly my second but I have begun my journey. I look forward to sharing it with you and to you also sharing your experience, insights, thoughts, opinions and ways of managing this wonderful experience we call life.
I want to take this opportunity as I post this first blog to thank all my friends who continue to believe in me, even when I might not believe in myself. This is dedicated to you. Thank you for your continued encouragement, love and support. I’m doing it, I’m really doing it.
Leave a comment, maybe something you have been afraid to do or try? Or what fear have you over come? Thanks for stopping by. Come back again.